My Computer Died... But I Found a New Way of Life

3:19:00 PM

My computer died yesterday. It just won't boot up and the computer is failing to recognize the hard drive. I'm actually typing this post with one finger on my iPhone. This all got me thinking about how sad and frightening it is that we've become a society so dependent on technology. 

Let me tell you what I did yesterday after I discovered the mishap. First I of course freaked out a little. My mind raced as I tried to remember how many important things I had stored on there like photos and most importantly all of my pattern PDFs. I have 8 of them saved on a flash drive only because I needed to go to Staples to have a sampling of them printed out the other day for hopefully a cool business opportunity. My fiance Joe would often tell me that he would help me back my files up just in case someday. This all just seemed like a needless pain plus time I didn't want to take because I was always working on the computer anyway. I'm a workaholic if you haven't figured it out yet and this debacle really opened my eyes as to how bad it had really gotten. 

I've been running my own businesses since 2009, working late nights, weekends, holidays etc. Lately I felt like I was either trying to tackle a new aspect of the business or write a new pattern virtually on a daily basis. I felt panicked and wondered why I wasn't making more money. I couln't sleep well any longer, I had heart palpitations at times which I'm pretty sure was due to anxiety, my relationships suffered somewhat. I kept feeling that my fiance was losing faith in what I was doing which made me want to work harder to prove him wrong and win his approval. And then the computer died. 

After freaking out I couldn't believe what I felt next. Sure I felt anger mostly because of what I let my life become but surprisingly I also felt a sense of calm. I brewed myself a cup of tea and just sat there for a bit. I don't think I've ever done that without also having something to do with my hands at the same time. I also painted my nails which I haven't done in years. It's a pale lavender shade. I just never had the time and never wanted to wait for them to dry. I was always working with my hands anyway. I began to think "so this is what it means to have a day off." 

As a solo entrepreneur I always felt directly responsible for my income and success. If you don't work hard you can't make money and therefore play hard right? Problem is I wasn't playing very much at all and my "freedom" started to feel like a prison. I also now truly understand that you can't run a business entirely alone. I had read numerous articles on the subject but always thought they didn't know what they were talking about and that It didn't apply to me. You burn out and you probably don't make as much as you could if you sought outside help or at least delegated some tasks. 

I'm waiting for my fiance to see if he can   perform a miracle an at least save some files. In the meantime I get to relax and do some much needed soul searching. I'll always be an entrpreneur, I can't and won't change that since it's who I am take it or leave it, but I owe it to myself and those around me to enjoy life and be the best person I can and take time out for myself and them as needed. 

Perhaps my computer dying was a blessing in disguise and a real eye-opener. I can still be successful without killing myself in the process and by taking the time to slow down and enjoy life I'll be the better for it. Oh, and never put off what you can do today for tomorrow. I wish I took thd time out from my busy schedule to back everything up.

I'll hopefully be able to launch some new designs soon...

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